porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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