remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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