but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
