Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
