this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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