I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
