I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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