That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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