it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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