She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
