So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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