I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
