I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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