Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
