I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
