I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
