dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
