Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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