I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
