how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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