So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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