if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just gargled with NyQuil
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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