were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
