I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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