I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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