Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
