I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
