ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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