stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
send nudes
from the living room?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
