dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
