I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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