At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
