Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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