If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my being single is dangerous.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
