well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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