so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
