I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
