is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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