She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
