I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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