I queefed so loud it echoed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
