like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
