Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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