Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
