Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
