I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
