would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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