Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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