Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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