Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
