when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize