We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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