I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
