I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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