just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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