My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
