Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
