Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
