The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
