My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My life is pants optional.
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