I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
