was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
