I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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