Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
