bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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