First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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