So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
