hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize