bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
