I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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