wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.