I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha