Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night