ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The beer is more important than you right now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
