Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
