So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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