look no pants
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
