I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize