If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize