My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
