I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
