adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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