Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
