my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
